An Ended Season, A New Beginning

Well it's done. One of the hardest decisions of my life became a reality today. I am now no longer doing something that I love; cheer.

I have been a part of cheerleading for 15 out of the 27 years I have been alive.What an interesting 15 years it has been. I have learned so much and have grown substantially. I am who I am today because of the experiences I had while being apart of cheer. It has been who I am. I would have considered myself a nothing if I wouldn't have had cheer to shape me. I have loved it, hated it, stressed over it and enjoyed every minute. Yes there were a lot of challenging times, especially as a coach, but the good times definitely outweigh the bad. Now the time has come where that love has got to go away for a while so that I can do any other thing that I love; being a mom. Still, I feel like I am losing a loved one or losing a part of myself. I don’t know who I am without cheerleading. I absolutely loved cheering in school and looked forward to every practice. I missed 1 practice in those 6 ½ years I cheered as a cheerleader. Since then I’ve been privileged to be the coach.  First at the Jr. High and then with the High School. I have put my whole heart into that program. I've given time, money, sweat, and tears. I've loved raising it like I would my family. It is who I am; it is who I've  wanted be. I loved the girls I've coached. I have been privileged to work with so many people. People that I have grown to love like family.  One of the greatest people I've worked with is my Mom. She has been there from the very start and is still there now in the end. She's supported me through thick and thin and gotten me out of a lot of pickle jars. Our relationship has grown and become what it is today because of our experiences together with cheerleading. She was my cheerleader when ever I needed it. She was always there for me on the sidelines. When I cheered in school I could count on her to be at every game. As a coach, she was always there for me whenever I needed her. She never complained. She got stuck with some pretty crappy jobs and very seldom received any thanks for it. I know that I wouldn't have been able to continue coaching as long as I did if it wasn't for her and her constant bailing me out with my kids, sewing projects, cookies, and game watching. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to work with my Mom like that.

I have loved my job. It has made me cry, laugh, stress and jump with excitement. It's hard to imagine what  I will be without it. The idea of not having cheer terrifies me. I love it. Even though it is the most thankless, bitter job out there because everyone thinks cheerleading is dumb and there is no use for cheerleaders. I know that it is important and I know it changes lives. I have seen it with so many of the girls I've coached and especially with my own life. This hurts so bad knowing it gone. I feel like I did when I lost my twins. I know it sounds silly and dramatic, but it is that important to me. I feel like I've lost a child. It is hard to know I can’t go to practice and watch the girls improve and work hard. I can’t be there at the game when they've practiced so hard to hit a stunt and they nail it in front of the crowd. I can’t be there when they fall or fail and need someone to help cheer them up. I can’t be there to be their “Mom” when their real Mom can’t be around or understand. I can’t be there to show them new dances, help with stunts, watch their jumps, tease their funny moments and help them improve their mistakes. I can't be there to watch their faces when they finally figure out how to do something better and improve themselves. I can't be there to be their friend when they feel like they have no friends. Most of all I can't be there to love them and grow with them. I am going to miss so many things. My heart feels like there is a big hole in it.

Still the time has come, even with all the emptiness, I need to put my family first. Life is short and my kids are growing too fast. I have missed out on so many things with my family because of the time being a coach takes. I've always wanted to be a Mom. Since I was a child and I got my first dolly to rock to sleep, I knew that I wanted to be a Mom. My boys deserve a good  Mom and it's time I start being one. It's time to start being a Mom like my Mom is for me. It's time to have the time to do things together as a family and not have to schedule them around games and practices. It's time that they don't have to go to a babysitter every other day. It's time for them to not have to cry at the door when I have to leave them because I'm late for something. There is a time and a season for everything. My season of cheer has ended for a while, but my time of being a Mom will last forever. My kids need me. My husband needs me. Tyce is so happy to know that he will be getting his wife back. He's been put of the back burner so many times when I've had cheer things. I've been so grateful for his support, but I know he is ready for us to live the life that we had planned before we got married. It's time for me to be there for my family. I'm excited to have little Miss coming into the world and for all the bonding we will be able to do. I regret the time I lost with my other two babies and I'm so excited to have her and have the chance to be better. I'm excited for what it will bring to my family. We are going to be a great family. 

Hopefully someday when my kids are grown, I can be able to coach again. I will always cherish and never forget all the good experiences, memories, friends and things I learned because of cheer. My life won't be the same without it. If I am going to make it on this path through life, I need my family by my side. They are my forever.